Sacred Ground

As a family therapist I get to be privy to intimate moments forged out of crisis and witness poison spilling out of eyes and wringing hands. It is a beautiful mess. I often wonder what people in my life think I do every day. I also think that it might seem strange that I absolutely love my job. There is something so amazing about these beautiful disastrous moments.

The Crying Couch
In my office there is the most comfortable couch and it is very deep. In fact if I sit all the way back in the couch my feet barely hang off the end of the couch. It's about 5'5" long (my height) and well, let's just say I tell anyone who sits on it, "Just don't fall asleep" (some have just about).

Like dashboard confessionals this couch is where many clients shed many tears, speak of unspeakable things, trust someone they just met with their deepest darkest secrets, explode in anger. Some writhe in frustration, ask pleading unanswerable questions, and try to breath in hope like it's being pumped into my office.

The Blanket Stepping
A Blanket Stepping is very personal and unique to ANASAZI. This is formal ceremony where people are asked to leave 2 kinds of things on the old blanket. The first things they are asked to leave are physical things that are holding them back from walking forward. The second things they are asked to leave behind are invisible things of the heart.

It never fails to amaze me that people who have only met me and talked with me for about 1 hour trust the process (and me) enough to leave things on the old blanket that they do. Sometimes, for the first time they leave things behind they have never shared before. Sometimes, with their spouse next to them, they reveal pain they haven't been able to in the past. These brave & broken souls understand that in order to walk forward they need to leave their burdens behind.

The Letters
At ANASAZI I get to be a mailman every Tuesday delivering and receiving letters. I also get the privilege of reading letters from parents to their children and from children to their parents.

I am not a big crier. I'm not a touch nut to crack either but, as a therapist, you have to be able to regulate your emotions. In the process of reading letters over 6 weeks I get to read the evolution of hearts. Sometimes, while reading letters in my office, on the drive out to the Tonto, I can't help but let the tears flow. To me these are what love letters are all about.

Although these are just 3 of the times I feel I am on sacred ground over and over at my job I couldn't help but share them. Tonight I am overwhelmed with gratitude of the shared moments God has allowed me.

To all my families who have cried and confessed on my couch, unburden your hearts in blanket steppings, and allowed me to be privy to your love letters— I love and adore you!

Radiant Fire Hawk

"Here Comes the Sun"

After the 4 hour drive (it is pretty much like the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland) I got out of the vehicle and we could tell it was going to rain. We had stopped at a little local market to buy some trash bags and I poked arms holes in one and covered myself. I was grateful to have worn a hat because it kept the rain from streaming down my face.

As I started hiking through the bands and delivering letters the rain started coming down hard. I said a silent prayer that the rain could let up just long enough for the Shadows to do their sessions with the YoungWalkers/SinguaWalkers (clients). I know Arizona needs the rain but it's hard to have an effective therapeutic session in the downpour of rain.

I approached the girls band and could see that they were all drenched, cold, and most likely didn't want to come out of their shelters. I started to sing, "Here comes the sun...do do do do." and sure enough—it started to shine. I kid you not.

I literally saw the sun slowly cover the Tonto National Forest and reach my fingertips and then face. The girls came out of their shelters, they started to dry out their stuff, and we were able to do all of our sessions (rain free) that day.

I am grateful for tender mercies like this!

Unspeakable Things

There are these moments in time when I am sitting listening to someone and I realize they are about to or are telling me unspeakable things of their heart. Usually, they cry, or make excuses for their almost tears. People find it so awkward for uncomfortable being raw and honest. Most of the time they throw out a caveat before they let go of their deep pain/secret(s.) I consider these moments sacred.

It is never easy to sit in those moment. Pain, anguish, heartache, loss, betrayal, shame, addiction, etc. are such heavy burdens to carry. Often they consume the heart of those who can't speak. When someone share unspeakable things with someone else it is almost impossible to know how to react. And so usually I sit in gratitude. I am grateful, for whatever reason, they felt safe enough to share unspeakable things with me.

I have listened as friends have told me of their addictions, child's sudden death, their desires to end their own life, the hope that one day they will actually feel happy, secrets they were either ashamed or not allowed to share with their family, and so much more. There have been so many moments...

In those moments I felt relief for them as they spoke anger to God, whispered heartache they felt they couldn't share with others, and admitted shame they thought they would never be able to speak. As a result of sharing their unspeakable things I've seen people take needed and healthy steps forward. For some it is to let go of things and for others it is to cling to what they know.

I am not one to trust very many people with my unspeakable things. A few times when I've tried it ended in disaster. However, I keep trying.  Every now and again my unspeakable things have landed on safe ears and hearts. I am truly grateful for those who are willing to listen to my unspeakable things. 

This post isn't about people burdens, their choices, or their circumstances. It is about people finding places or other people where they can speak their unspeakable things. I hope wherever you are when you read this post that you have someone in your life that you can share your unspeakable things. I also hope that you are or can become someone who can listen and be with someone when they are ready to share their unspeakable things. Those moments, either way, will change your life forever!

"The Dark Side of Hope"

You probably wonder, and even if you are not, what the Japanese characters mean on my blog header? They spell HOPE.

When I was putting together this blog I was thinking of a word that could represent what I love about therapy and being a therapist. One think I know is I love helping people find hope in their lives. I also love helping them let it go when needed.

A while back I read this article, Researchers Find 'Dark Side of Hope.' It talks about a study done by the University of Michigan Health Center for the Behavioral and Decision Sciences in Medicine that involved a group of adults who had their colons removed. Some of the people in the study were told their colostomy was reversible and some were told it was permanent. Those w/o hope reported actually being happier in their lives.

Here is part of the article, "We're not saying hope is a bad thing. They realized the card they were dealt and recognized that they had no choice but to play with those cards. What we're pointing out is that there can be a dark side of hope. It can cause people to put their lives on hold."

Most people equate hope with positive feelings or emotions but hope can also be devastating. The battle is figuring out whether to hold on or let go?

The Importance of Inspiration

As a therapist there is a lot taught, read, and discussed about self disclosure. Some scholars/experts will say that a therapist should have no self disclosure—that there is no space in therapy for the therapist to reveal or share anything personal. Other people disagree and share that self disclosure is natural and helps others to trust you and to do their own disclosure.

When I was in Grad School I remember having a long discussion about what you should and shouldn't put up in your office. Was it okay to put up personal pictures, your diplomas, or things you are passionate about??

When I got my own office I was faced with these questions again. I struggled to decorate my office. In the end I decided that I would surround myself with words (I do so love words) of inspiration. One of my favorite quotes, that I feel particular to as a therapist, is on the header of this blog,

I had become a new person: and those who knew the old person laughed at me. The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor: he took my measure anew every time he saw me. Whilst all the rest went in with their old measurements and expected them to fit me. (George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950, Man and Superman, 1903) 

I love that quote for so many reasons but mostly because of the idea of new beginnings. People are fluid, always learning, changing, growing. If we expect or hold people to who they used to be we will always miss out on what they are becoming or who they currently are. I believe passionately in new beginnings and letting everyone tell their own story!

Moshi Moshi—Hello!

Welcome to my blog!

I am an adolescent therapist and I often have a million things running through my mind when it comes to teenagers, therapy, adults, parents, creativity, the mind, the heart, the soul, and I haven't found the right place to write them down.

I decided that I would start collecting them here. So, if you happen to find me here musing on some topic you enjoy...drop me a line.